A History of Heartbreak

You don’t have to believe in the innocence of either Michael Brown or Darren Wilson to be moved by the pain of the situation in Ferguson, Missouri.  Yesterday’s NYT column by Charles Blow talks of the background that makes it so difficult to see this as an individual case and not just part of a long, sad history.

Some simply saw protests marred by senseless violence. I saw that, to be sure, and my heart hurt seeing it. But I also saw decades, generations, centuries of pain and frustration erupting once more into view. I saw hearts crying and souls demanding to be heard, to be seen, to be valued….

Even long-suffering people will not suffer forever. Patience expires. The heart can be broken only so many times before peace is broken. And the absence of peace doesn’t predicate the presence of violence. It does, however, demand the troubling of the comfortable. When the voice goes unheard, sometimes it must be raised. Sometimes when calls for justice go unmet, feet must meet pavement. Sometimes when you are unseen, you can no longer remain seated. Sometimes you must stand and make a stand.

Bidding for Attention

An article I read recently introduced me to a new relationship term—bidding.  Two social scientists, studying marriages and the way couples relate, describe it like this:

Throughout the day, partners would make requests for connection, what Gottman calls “bids.” For example, say that the husband is a bird enthusiast and notices a goldfinch fly across the yard. He might say to his wife, “Look at that beautiful bird outside!” He’s not just commenting on the bird here: he’s requesting a response from his wife — a sign of interest or support — hoping they’ll connect, however momentarily, over the bird.

The wife now has a choice. She can respond by either “turning toward” or “turning away” from her husband, as Gottman puts it. Though the bird-bid might seem minor and silly, it can actually reveal a lot about the health of the relationship. The husband thought the bird was important enough to bring it up in conversation and the question is whether his wife recognizes and respects that.

Reason and Ideas

This excerpt from In the Way of Zen by Alan Watts was posted yesterday in The Dish, Andrew Sullivan’s blog.  It seems to make some of the world’s craziness just a little bit more understandable.  

 It was a basic Confucian principle that ‘it is man who makes truth great, not truth which makes man great.’ For this reason, ‘humanness’ or ‘human-heartedness’ was always felt to be superior to ‘righteousness’, since man himself is greater than any idea he may invent. There are times when men’s passions are much more trustworthy than their principles. Since opposed principles, or ideologies, are irreconcilable, wars fought over principle will be wars of mutual annihilation. But wars fought for simple greed will be far less destructive, because the aggressor will be careful not to destroy what he is fighting to capture.

Reasonable – that is, human – men will always be capable of compromise, but men who have dehumanized themselves by becoming the blind worshipers of an idea or an ideal are fanatics whose devotion to abstractions makes them the enemies of life.

Perspective

"The sound of a helicopter is really annoying until you’re drowning, and it’s there to rescue you. Then it sounds like music.” Tom Waits

We're all addicted to something, aren't we?

I was introduced to this song recently when my daughter put it on a CD mix she made for my birthday.  I don’t know why she selected it.  Many of the other songs on the CD connected to memories and interests of mine.  The song seemed connected to nothing though I thought it had an interesting and enjoyable sound.  Who can’t relate to the sassy “No! No! No!”?

Then I did a little investigation.  The singer, Amy Winehouse, died in 2011 from alcohol poisoning.  Now there’s irony, tragedy, and sadness.  I was stunned by her confidence in the song and her eventual fate.

I still enjoy the song, but it makes me think about the struggles we all face.  A friend of mine just got caught again driving under the influence.  I think it was number 16.

I’ve never been caught driving under the influence, but I have my addictions, my escape strategies from I don’t even know what.  I’m sad for what Winehouse lost and sad for what we all lose to whatever it is we’re addicted to.