Other Hearts...Other Skies

I don't know how many times I have posted this song. I wish we could always remember these words.

Word Wars and Worse

I'm a liberal Democrat, and I find Donald Trump mainly disappointing. But, outside of my liberal bubble, I don't talk about this much because it does not seem to advance my beliefs to go around bad-mouthing the beliefs of others. I try not to post things that are snarky and disrespectful. However, when my friends do this, I often read their snarky sarcastic posts.. Sometimes I even laugh out loud. Even if this enjoyment is private, there is an element of disrespect here. These are difficult times. Sometimes it feels like Civil War II (fortunately, without cannons). How do we communicate in these times?

Apparently, Ben Carson recently said that “poverty, to a large extent, is a state of mind.” In his blog yesterday, John Scalzi responded with a discussion of what led to his success as a writer:

Yes, you might say, but you, John Scalzi, have an industrious state of mind! Well, that’s debatable (more on that later), but even if it is true, is it more industrious than the person who works two shitty jobs because they have no other choice? Am I more industrious than, say, my mother, who cleaned people’s houses and worked on a telephone exchange while I was growing up, so that I could eat and have a roof over my head? My mother, who barely cracked a five-figure salary while I grew up, worked as hard as hell. Tell me her “state of mind” was less industrious than mine is now, and I’ll laugh my ass off at you. Tell me any number of people in the small, blue-collar town I live in, who make significantly less than I do, and who are one slip on the ice away from tumbling down the poverty hole, have a “state of mind” substantially less industrious than my own, and I’ll likely tell you to go fuck yourself.

I think Scalzi has a very coherent argument about the things that led to his success as a writer. He lists the role of access to opportunity, network of people, luck, his creativity, breaks from the culture, his wife, and number seven, his “state of mind.” He writes a lovely argument, but his political opinions are pretty consistently liberal. That restricts his audience. (Though, as a science fiction writer, he may get readers from outside the liberal bubble). And threatening to tell people “to go fuck yourself,”--is that persuasive language?

Another “argument” I read yesterday was a Ted Talk by Pope Francis which is just full of touching ideas that made me feel inadequate and greedy. Here's a sample:

Quite a few years of life have strengthened my conviction that each and everyone's existence is deeply tied to that of others: life is not time merely passing by, life is about interactions. As I meet, or lend an ear to those who are sick, to the migrants who face terrible hardships in search of a brighter future, to prison inmates who carry a hell of pain inside their hearts, and to those, many of them young, who cannot find a job, I often find myself wondering: "Why them and not me?" I, myself, was born in a family of migrants; my father, my grandparents, like many other Italians, left for Argentina and met the fate of those who are left with nothing. I could have very well ended up among today's "discarded" people. And that's why I always ask myself, deep in my heart: "Why them and not me?"

Now what does this all mean to me? What does it say about effective communication? Much that I hear and read seems designed to offend the “other side.” What is my role during this crazy time?

You. Us.

I just finished listening to a Ted Talk by Pope Francis (okay listened to his Italian an read the English subtitles). It was moving and a good follow up to all the political insults I hear and read. He says, "The future is in the hands of those people who recognize the other as a 'you' and themselves as part of an 'us'." He does not present an easy challenge.

"...a truly long, long goodbye"

When I finished Louise Penny's A Great Reckoning, I glanced at the acknowledgments, and after the second sentence—“Michael has dementia”—I went on to read the entire two-plus pages. Almost everything on those pages referred to her husband Michael's care.

This information rattled around in my brain for a week or so, and today I decided to find out more. By the time I had typed “Louise Penn” into the Google search box, Google offered “Louise Penny husband” as a choice. An

AARP essay Penny written shortly before Michael Whitehead's death (September 2016) was the most complete source. She seemed to use writing to make sense of the situation. Below is a small excerpt of her reflections.

And I learned that, far from having my day, my happiness, decided by how Michael was doing, I needed to make it about how I was doing.... I'd been desperately trying to keep our lives normal. But there was a new normal, and it changed every day. If I didn't change with it, that was my fault. Not Michael's'

I, and I imagine many others, find dementia the most dreaded way to end our lives. Last Saturday I attended a memorial service for a woman in my community who also died after a period of dementia. It felt like she had disappeared into a “memory care unit.” The service was a surprising comfort and celebration. It made the idea of dementia a little less scary, I loved learning that one of her former music students visited her regularly and sang to her. Like Louise Penny her care givers seemed loving and patient. The patient often seemed content.

If Mr. USA went to a Therapist

I've just started Mary Pipher's Writing to Change the World (2006). It has, so far, inspired me to write a letter to my senator. Pipher herself is a psychologist, therapist, and writer. In 2004, she wrote what she called an “Assessment Report on Mr. USA.” Below are some excerpts:

Client Name: Mr. United States of America Address: Western Hemisphere, North of the Equator, Planet Earth

Description of client: Mr. USA was born July 4, 1776, and was 228 years old at the time of this assessment. He appeared as a well-dressed, rather heavy, middle-aged man with a somewhat arrogant manner. Still, he had moments when he was charming, humorous, and appealingly open....

Presenting Problem: Mr. USA made this appointment two years after an assault on September 11, 2001, that caused him great physical harm and mental anguish. This tragedy...has forced him to confront his mental health issues. As this client's life has spiraled out of control, his colleagues at the United Nations have encouraged him to seek therapy....

A Good Mystery

From time to time I need to read a mystery. Last week I read A Great Reckoning by Louise Penny. I have a love/hate response to her stories. I like the location, a French speaking Canadian village called Three Pines. I like the main character, Chief Inspector Armand Gamache. And the plots make me eager to find out what will happen next even when they seem unbelievable and/or over-the-top.

Penny quotes classic writers. I like that. And in Reckoning she quotes Buddhist nun Pima Chödrön who says, “Don't believe everything you think.” In Chödrön's original context, she's trying to help us understand how we lead ourselves away from acceptance and peace of mind with our inaccurate thoughts. The sentence has quite a different feel to it when it is used in the context of a murder investigation.

So I finished Reckoning and started listening to the audio version of The Nature of the Beast. The plan was to listen mainly when I was driving, but this afternoon I started listening as I did housework. It slowed my work, and then I didn't want to stop listening. My behavior doesn't entirely make sense.

I don't intend to stop reading mysteries, but I'm curious as to what need they meet. Is it mainly entertainment? The satisfaction of a problem solved? Escape? Any thoughts?