Complaining, cont'd

Melissa Dahl, in her article “I Went 7 Days Without Complaining,” reaches some interesting conclusions.

…after my week was up, I didn’t feel exactly the way I thought I’d feel. To be honest, I 

missed complaining a little bit. In the end, my experience ultimately pushed me toward seeing the benefits of a little kvetching, something Robin Kowalski, a Clemson University psychology professor, has argued before. “There’s no doubt in my mind that complaining can serve some very beneficial functions,” she said. “For one, it’s a great icebreaker.” You’d never strike up a conversation with a stranger waiting next to you for a subway about how reliable the trains are running lately, after all. (And, as we’ve recently learned, small talk with people we don’t know is very good for us.) A little bit of negativity has some health benefits, too, as a study published last year found that pessimistic older adults were more likely to live longer, healthier lives.

Figure out what you want to achieve before you complain. I noticed that when I had the urge to complain, most of the time I just wanted a little validation. …“Figuring out the result you want first will help you determine to whom your complaint should be addressed and where to place the emphasis,” Winch said. “This in turn will give the other person a clear idea of what you’re asking for (as opposed to getting showered with your general feelings of frustration, outrage, anger, or hurt) which will make it easier for them to respond positively.”

 She concludes with this:

In other words complain about the things that actually matter, and look for (and listen to) solutions to fix the thing that’s bothering you. The rest? Try to let it go.